My Good Looking Man

Come, all you pretty maids, of courage brave and true,
I will teach you how to happy live, and avoid all troubles, too;
And if you live a wedded life, now plainly understand,
And don’t you ever fall in love with all good-looking men.

When I was sixteen years of age, a damsel in my prime,
I daily thought on wedded life, and how I’d be at the time;
I daily thought on wedded life, its pleasures I did scan,
And I sighed and sobbed both night and day, to get a nice young man.

My wish, it seems, too soon I got, for one Sunday afternoon,
At home from church I gaily tripped, I met a fair gossoon;
He looked so fine about the face, to win him I made a plan,
And that very day I set my cap for that good-looking young man.

Again, by chance, as out I stepped to take a pleasant roam,
I met this handsome gentleman, who wished to see me home;
I’d fain say no, but it was no use, to go with me was his plan,
So to my home I walked along with my good-looking man.

He said to me, as on we walked: My dear and only love,
If with me you’ll consent to wed, I will ever constant prove;
I’ll ever be a husband kind and do the best I can,
So my heart and hand I then did give to my good-looking young man.

The night was fixed for us to wed – he bid me have all cheer –
He pressed me to his breast saying: Oh my Mary dear!
He gently pressed me to his breast, saying : “Oh, my Mary dear!”
And there I tied that dreadful knot with that good-looking young man.

It was scarce a week, when married I was, one Sunday afternoon,
The day went by, the night came on, off went the honeymoon;
My gent walked out – so did I – for to watch him was my plan,
When soon a flashy girl I saw with my good-looking man.

At once a thought came in my head to entrap my faithless swain,
So quickly I did gain on him, and followed in his train;
It was then and there I heard him swear his love for her outran,
The closest ties for any maid – “Oh, what a nice young man!”

They kissed and toyed, and tales of love to her he then did tell,
Thinks I to myself, now is the time to serve your outright well;
He did not me at all espy, so to my home I ran,
And sat down there to anxiously wait for my good looking young man.

The clock was just striking ten, when my gentleman he walked in,
I gently said: My William, dear, where hast thou so long been?
I have been to church, my love, said he – Oh! this I could not stand,
So the rolling pin I did let fly at my good-looking young man.

I blacked his eyes, I tore his hair, in ribbons I tore his clothes,
I then took up the poker and laid it across his nose;
He just looked like a chimney sweep, as out the door he ran,
And never a lady loved again with my good-looking man.

Now, you married folks, take my advice, high and low degree,
When a rakish husband you do get, pitch into him like me;
When I found out I was deceived, it was my only plan
To disfigure the handsome countenance of my good-looking young man.