The Tipperary Christening

It was down in that place Tipperary,
Where they’re so airy, and so contrary,
Where they kick up the devil’s figarie,
When they christened the beautiful boy.
In comes the piper, sot thinking,
And a-winking, and a-blinking,
And a noggin of punch he was drinking,
And wishing the parents great joy.

When home from the church they came,
Father Tom and old Mikey Branigan,
And scores of as pretty boys and girls
As ever you’d wish to see;
When in through the door,
Hogan, the tinker, Lather and Lanagan,
Kicked up a row, and wanted to know,
Why they wasn’t asked to the spree.

Then the boy set up such a bawling,
And such a squalling and caterwauling,
For he got such a mauling,
Oh, that was the day of great joy.
Then the piper set up such a moaning,
And such a-droning, and such a-croning,
In the corner his comether was turning,
When they christened Dennis, the boy.

The aristocracy came to the part,
There was McCarty, light and hearty,
With Florence Bedelia Fogarty,
Who said that was French for a name;
Dionysius Alphonso Mulrononey,
Oh, so spooney and so looney,
With the charming Evangeline Mooney,
Of society she was the cream.

Cora Teresa Maud McCann,
Angelina Rocke, and Julia McCafferty,
Rignold Mormon Duke, Morris McGan,
And Clarence Ignatius McGurk;
Cornelius Horatio Flaherty’s wife,
Adolphus Grace and Dr. O’Rafferty,
Eve McLaughlin, and Cora Muldoon,
And Brigadier-General Burke.

They were dancing the polke-mazurka,
‘Twas a worker, not a shirker,
And a voice of Vienna, la Turker,
And the polke-redowa divine;
After dancing, they went to lunching,
Oh, some munching, and such crunching,
They were busy as bees at a lunching
With their coffee, tea, whiskey and wine.

They had all kinds of tea, they had Sho-song,
They had Ningnong and Drinkdong,
With Oolong, and Boolong, and Toolong,
And teas that were made in Japan;
They had sweetmeats, imported from Java,
And from Youver and from Havre,
In the four-masted steamer “Manarver”
That sails from beyond Hindoostan”
Romeo punch, snoball and sparrowgrass,
Patty D. Foy, whatever that means,
Made out of goose-liver and grease;
Red-headed duck, salmon and peas,
Bandy-legged frogs, Peruvian ostriches,
Bottled noix, woodcock and snipe,
And everything that would please.

After dinner, of course, there was speaking,
And hand-shaking, and leave-taking,
In the corners old mothers match-makin’,
And other such innocent sins;
Then they bid a good-by to each other,
To each mother, and each brother;
When the last rose, I thought I would smother,
When they wished the next would be twins!